


in the garden (where we buried our bones)

by ScarletKiss



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Blood and Injury, Gen, Heavy Angst, Nonbinary Hyunjin, Panic Attacks, Running Away, Transphobia, idk if anything makes sense anymore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:40:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29288475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarletKiss/pseuds/ScarletKiss
Summary: Hyunjin runs until his feet start to bleed, the blisters caused by his heels have finally popped. Hyunjin is on a dark road and he is unsure of where to go.“Home let’s go home,” a little voice in Hyunjins head whispers. Hyunjin isn’t sure where home is but he knows that anywhere is better than where he was before. He turns back and begins the long and lonely trudge down the empty road.
Relationships: Minor Bang Chan/Lee Minho | Lee Know - Relationship
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7
Collections: Drabbles Challenge for Chaotic Writers





	in the garden (where we buried our bones)

**Author's Note:**

> cw // transphobia, mild/moderate blood and gore, misgendering, panic attacks. 
> 
> please read at your own discretion. Please know that I am NOT an anti (unless it's JYP)

_God, I’m such a coward,_ he thinks to himself. He stares blankly at the pressed linen tablecloth that covers the table. “Are you okay,” Yugyeom’s voice cuts through Hyunjin’s self-despairing thoughts, he looks concerned as he leans over the table careful not to knock any of the glasses over. Hyunjin hates how easily read he is, “Yeah,” he forces out shooting a stiff smile at him, Hyunjin shifted uncomfortably pulling up his dress even higher up his chest area.

The chatter of the tables around him, wash over providing little distraction from Jinyoung his father was saying. _It’s Seungwan’s wedding,_ Hyunjin reminded himself, _don’t start trouble._ He picked at the plate, nobody turned to him, nobody asked his opinion. _It was nice,_ Hyunjin supposed, being invisible is both a gift and a curse, nobody will perceive you when you need to hide yet nobody will hear you when you scream.

He glances up at the front where Seungwan sits at her table with her husband the smile on her face is simply radiant as she stares up at him, her husband Johnny has a soft smile on his face as he gazes at her with years of love in his eyes.

_Is this love?_ Hyunjin wondered. _Is this what love is supposed to look like? Did Jinyoung and Elizabeth ever truly love each other?_

He stares down at his plate blinking furiously at the silver plate, he wants to scream, scream, and tear this wretched cloth from his body. Hyunjin doesn’t scream instead he reaches into his brain and pulls up the old adage. “Smile and nod, smile and fucking nod” he hissed to himself.

“Hyunjin,” Doyoung peered at him from over the table.

_Are you fucking kidding me?_ Hyunjin thought to himself viciously. He nodded not really trusting himself to not curse out Doyoung. “You’ve been really quiet,” Doyoung frowns softly concern beginning to filter into his voice. Hyunjin shrugged noncommittally. Doyoung nodded watching with those piercing eyes of his, “How’s work been?”

“Well, works been work,” Hyunjin smiled through gritted teeth at Doyoung. His fingers tighten into fists on his lap. Doyoung nodded a smile gracing his stern face. “Are you still working at that company?” Jinyoung interrupts rudely, there is underlining disapproval within his tone as if he looks down at the job Hyunjin chose.

“I am _dad_ ,” Hyunjin said his voice growing cold. “Doyoung,” Yugyeom nudges him, “Seungwan needs us.” Hyunjin can’t help but feel as if the conversation was disjointed. He watches as his two brothers weave their way through the dance floor and in the direction of a waiting Seungwan.

As he watched his siblings, he can’t help but feel lost. He feels a sharp stinging pain in his chest as he watches them laugh. He wonders what it would be like not feel as if you have an empty hole in your chest, on that aches to be filled.

"I think I’m empty" the words fell from his lips like a sin. She sips her wine with casualty as if she doesn't hear his confession. He laughs jovially and wipes the steak from his mouth "Everyone feels unfulfilled, especially women it’s their need to have children and please a man kicking in." he smiles patting a thick, meaty hair paw onto Hyunjins arm.

Hyunjin can feel the rage begin to crawl, digging its claws into his sides. Is it misgendering if they don't know your preferred pronouns? He wonders quietly. Hyunjin’s very good at muffling his rage. You don't live with Park Jinyoung and gain the rep. as the perfect little "girl" without learning to repress your emotions. Hyunjin snorts to himself as if Park would ever respect him enough to stop misgendering him whether on purpose or accidentally.

_"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID FREAK," Hyunjin screams launching himself across the table knife in hand. He lands it right through Park's hand enjoying the scream and the sickening crunch as the knife slices through bone. "SON OF A BITCH," PARK JINYOUNG HOWLED OUT IN PAIN._

"Hyunjin, sweetie," Hyunjin looked up as the sound of his mother’s voice roused him out of his violent but satisfying fantasy. He nods to let her know he heard, "Your awfully quiet something on your mind kiddo?" Jinyoung looks concerned as he lays down his fork. Hyunjin forces a smile " I’m always quiet," he lies.

Jinyoung nods, accepting the lie with such ease that Hyunjin can't help but feel a little hurt. Hyunjin finds it a little impressive that someone like his father could even come close to be as abhorrent as the way he found himself to be.

"You should wear more dresses, you look pretty and like a girl," Jinyoung commented. Hyunjin stifled the urge to roll his eyes at the back handed compliment. you only say that when my clothes are tight or what society dictates as "feminine”, Hyunjin thought to himself.

She is silent choosing to ignore them both in favor of drinking. “Excuse me,” Hyunjin smiled down at his parents, before rising and tottering. The night has long since fallen leaving fairly lights and carefully placed lanterns to light up the wedding venue. He passes by tables and tables filled with purple hyacinths and hydrangeas. the guests chatter away with one another, ignoring his presence as if he doesn’t exist.

He wanders down the long winding hallway, his heart feels as if it’s going to pound out of his chest. The room is starting to twist around the edges making it harder for him to move. His stumbles his ankles twisting in the heels. “Oi mate,” an Australian accent tugs through the fog in Hyunjins head. “Are you alright?”

Hyunjin shakes his head. “No, I’m not,” he whispered. “Okay,” the stranger sounds concerned as they guide a careful arm underneath Hyunjin’s, “Come on now, let’s sit you down somewhere safe.” The stranger carefully begins to guide Hyunjin through the spiraling hallway, nausea is beginning to build up in Hyunjin’s stomach. “Ay Minho, come here. Can you grab a glass of water for them,” The stranger calls out to someone up ahead, Hyunjin isn’t sure where he is or how much time has passed since he first started out for the bathroom.

Through the sickness and the fogginess of his mind Hyunjin still feels a twinge of happiness at the uses of they/them pronouns. God how long has it been since he’s last felt euphoric over his gender?

“Here,” the voice is soft. “It’s a water bottle, its still sealed,” the voice continued. Hyunjin grasp at the cool plastic with sweaty fingers. He struggles with the cap for several long minutes before he pops it off. He gulps the water down, ignoring the way it spills over his dress.

“Are you okay?” the Australian repeats themselves sounding concerned. Hyunjin nodded sluggishly “I am thank you.”

Hyunjin blinks softly struggling to bring the room back into focus. As the room slowly becomes clearer, he notices the person crouching before him, they have short black hair and are dressed to the nines in an Armani suit. “Bang Chan, he/him,” Chan offers out a hand to Hyunjin. “The one hanging around the back is my boyfriend Minho.”

Minho is quite pretty Hyunjin notices, with silky brown hair he too is dressed to the nines but instead of a suit and tie, he wears close fitted slacks with a silk button down that s been tucked in accentuating his tiny waist. Minho gives a tiny wave from where he stands in the corner.

“Hyunjin,” he responds, squashing the growing nausea within him he continues “She/her.” Hyunjin thinks that in that moment something within him died.

Chan the Australian stares at him with a sort of almost sadness in his dark eyes as if he knows the pain that lives in Hyunjin. The way it nearly broke him to misgender himself.

_I’m scared,_ Hyunjin protested silently. _“I’m terrified that by some chance you will out me to my family if I tell you. I’m afraid of what they’ll say. I’m not strong enough._

Hyunjin stays silent instead choosing to sip from the water bottle, it gives him something to do. “Are you okay?” the man named Minho leans in slightly. He’s even prettier up close, Hyunjin realizes. He opens his mouth to say, yes because yes is the only answer that is ever acceptable for him to give.

Hyunjin sees a flash of black ink on Minho’s wrist as he goes to run a hand through the silky brown hair. “Is that a tattoo?” Hyunjin blurts out. Minho nodded looking a little surprised at the outburst. In the peripheral vison of Hyunjin’s eye he noticed that Chan had shuffled back against the wall.

“Do you want to see it?” Minho offered watching Hyunjin gaze and the way it kept creeping over his wrist. “Is that okay?” Hyunjin asked shyly, sinking into himself.

Minho nodded a small smile playing across his lips, he offers his arm out to Hyunjin. On the wrist is an ink black semicolon and flying across are butterflies.

“It’s beautiful,” Hyunjin whispered softly.

Minho smiled softly, “Thank you,”

“I should probably go my family’s waiting for me,” Hyunjin said abruptly. He rose quickly, “Thank you,” he tossed over his shoulder as he hurried down the hallway. The clacking of his heels echoed through his ears, reminding him of the lies that awaited him.

“Are you okay?” Minho’s question vibrated through his ears. He knew the right answer, the answer he should give, but what was the answer that was true? “

I am not okay,” Hyunjin whispered, “I was never okay.” He felt the damn break within him as if everything he had been holding onto was slipping out of his grasp. He collapses to the floor, his heels slipping and sliding against the slick floor of the country club.

_“Run, FUCKING RUN,”_

Hyunjin runs and runs he slips and slides through the halls as he flees the wedding. He leaves everything behind except for his phone because that’s all he has with him. Hyunjin runs pushing through glass doors, ignoring the strange looks of everyone around him.

Hyunjin runs until his feet start to bleed, the blisters caused by his heels have finally popped. Hyunjin is on a dark road and he is unsure of where to go. 

_“Home let’s go home,”_ a little voice in Hyunjins head whispers. Hyunjin isn’t sure where home is but he knows that anywhere is better than where he was before. He turns back and begins the long and lonely trudge down the empty road.

**Author's Note:**

> Idk if this fic even makes sense at this point but oh well, what is done is done. 
> 
> This was originally started as a just some stupid vent fic, but then it snowballed and lost momentum.


End file.
